spondonickles

Mon, 17 Sep 2007 11:01:58 GMT

I have been thinking recently (Shock horror) and I have realised that I am one of those people that live life in the moment and don't really think about whats going to happen in the future and there is nothing wrong with that. I have a great life, I am so happy and everything because of living life each day for what it is. But I have realised that I need to take some more control of it but not change it dramatically. I want to be me still but just have more of a purpose to life.

I need to have to look forward to something so I am going to sit down and figure out some goals for myself. I'm not saying that I have a bad life or anything bu I need to change it, slightly cause face it at the rate I'm going at I'll be working at IKEA for the rest of my life and I don't won't to do that!

So when I sit down and figure out what I want to do and figure out how to get there I'll tell you cause at the moment I am wasting my life. I put no effort in at school, i get frustrated with my family so much that I don't want to talk or be around them and what am I good at? Yeah I can play softball alright but I'm not anything special, I'm not that good at music so what else is there? I know that not everyone can be good at something but I feel like I am suppose to do more. I want to know why I got put on earth and I'm not going to stand around and wait around for the answer.

Anyways i'm off

They must be stupid to think it doesn't effect me

Thu, 12 Jul 2007 12:36:17 GMT

Ok they are either really stupid and don't know that there is a problem or they don't care! ARGH! I understand why they are doing it and I don't care about it but can't they be honest with me just not let me be a extra wheel I mean come on! They said it wouldn't happen but it already has and I am over it, they can go screw themselves. I new this would happen, I am always the extra wheel. There is no way that they can't realise that is was them I was talking about. I feel really angry but than it makes me cry myself to sleep at night I don't know why and then when I ever think about it I feel betrayed(that wasn't the best word to explain how i feel but i couldn't think of a word for it)they have to know, it is basically in black and white. How can they do this after our little talk WHY! I just don't get it I trusted them but they just throw it in my face Let her find out another way
I just don't get it just talk to me until it is too late. It is eating me up inside and soon I'll just give up I;m nearky there already and if they don't talk to me soon it will be too late cause it is obviusthat there is a problem but they don't care. I don't have a problem with what they are doing the problem is backstabbing me and I can get over that if theytalk to me soon.

Tue, 10 Jul 2007 13:45:09 GMT

Been working the past 2 days in cookshop. It was fun learning another ection and all. Got to know kerryn better, I didn't like her thhat much before but know it's like she has changed slightly so she's pretty cool. Oh one of the fish in the cash office had been sick for like a week now and Annie won't let anyone flush it, so it is sitting on her desk and it looks miserable but I think some of the cash office girls are planning on flushing it on Annies day off. ot a new co-worker in textiles but not one for home org yet. I;m so annoyed tht we are forgotten about and they reckon we only need 2 co-workers in there on weekends when we need 3 or more and textiles has like 5 co-workers IT IS NOT FAIR. And christian does not come in our section unless he wants to tell someone to go to textiles but he was in home org with a comm-in guy today so maybe they are doing something about the state of the section!

We lost at softball on the weekend BIG SUPRISE, not. I am so over the team, now it might sound mean or that I'm up myself but iit is true. They don't listen at trainging, so than they don't learn anything and than we suck, so we lose against a team an age division under us. I am over losing I want to be in a eam with people the same standard as me! How am I suppose to get better if I keep getting pulled down by the team. Thank god that I can't play with them next season!

I feel betrayed, dont want to talk about it but i have to write doen how i feel otherwise...I don't know. It is just that they said that something might happen and if it did that they would tell me"keep me in the loop" but they didn't and it really hurts and I want to yell at them but I can't cause little old Caitlin doesn't like doing that even though she really wants too but she won't cause she doesn't stick up for herself and how she feels about things that much. Don't know why, maybe she just doesn't like conflict, I don't know but all I know the next time she see's them she always plans on saying something but never does she always just gets too nervous or shy(cause she is she very shy but she hides it) and leaves her feelings about somethings unresolved. And than they build up than she comes crashing down and can't handle it anymore, only happened once at school. I create lots of walls around myself but than disguis them, don't know why just always have. (And I realise I'm babbling but it is helping) I don't know if I know the real caitlin the caitlin underneath the giggling and not worrying about life that much, not taking things seriously. I mean I have failed so many times. I just want to be accepted.

Anyways, in home and away Matilda leaves town with reuben NOOOOOOOOO!!!! so her a ric break up because he won' let reuben explain why they were kissing. This can not be the end of Ritilda, it just can't be! We have to wait a while untill the next spoilers come out! Also the boys go on a boat trip when sally rejects brads proposal and then a big storm and one is 'dead' but i don't think they are cause none of the boys on the boat are leaving si I think they don't find the body so they think he is dead and it should be Dan cause he and leah need a good storylinbe!

Any who got to go

Smile more, It gives the world hope!

Thu, 05 Jul 2007 14:50:10 GMT

Work was so busy! Wendy gave me this big list of things to do when I got there and then every 5 minutes Janette would come in and get me to do something! I'm over the 2 sections being one because the old Home Org crew get treated really bad.  Yes it is fun learning a new section but I'm sick and Tired! Apperently Home org only needs at the most 2 people n weekends while everyone else, about 5 of us go into textiles but Home org needs more people! we are only just getting through and they wonder why our section doesn't look the best.

Anyways moving on, Tuesday was fun.. The rides looked so scary I am so glad Ellie didn't make me go on them! I think that we should go down there more often, just like when we go to the city except down to surfers. I like it there, in summer we can go to the beach and they have loads of shops, we can just chill for a couple of days or so in the holidays, like we should. I reallt like it there I wouldn't mide living there. Oh and Hannah, Jacqui and I got invited to a party when we were there but we couldn't go cause we are too young but It was pretty cool, Do we really look like we are 18?

Today I had my training session with Hayley cause Nadia is Sydney. But Hayley was so cool to we were laughing the whole time it was so funny. She though I was the best cause when she told me to jump up (I was lying on the ground) I jumped up and when she told me to spin around I spun and she said that was so cool cause I actually did what she said. W were both clutses It was funny, she also said that she had never seen someone smile througha whole session and laugh so much! Oh yeah and we got to my goal on the rower(1000m in 5 minutes) and Hayley was like YES I am so going to give t to Nadia cause you did it for me first. She was so mad but I still like Nadia more we have a special bond, I just trusted her straight away and we get along so well and I can get out of stuff with her!

The front screen on my phone finnally broke a couple of more pieces can off so i took the all off and in the process accidentally cut myself! but the phone looks pretty cool! Maybe I should get a new phone but I'm still under contract.

Titans Broncos match tonight! going with Ellie, it was her birthday present.   Titans are so going to win! Tate is out for the Broncos but we have Rodgers out anyways we will just have to see we are bringing a radio this time so we know what is going on ! The only problem about going to the football is I am going to be tired I am doing a 6.5 hour shift at work in a section that I have never been in before but it is money and I like money!

I think we sould do something On the monday before we go back to school, you know one last thing before we have homework and assignments again, maybe we could go to the dine in Pizza Hut like we were planning to do? Talking about Assignments I need to do my legal! I;m just not that excited about the script writing but It has to be done and I want a good mark!

Anyways I must be getting to bed now I practically asleep already

Bye Bye

Tue, 03 Jul 2007 10:54:23 GMT

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Low
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	Low
Narcissistic:	Low
Avoidant:	Low
Dependent:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Low
-- Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Information --

Well aren't I boring and the only one i might have is a mild form of a real personality disorder. It was onlt Moderate because I am a little eccentric at times and some people can't follow my train of though, BIG DEAL! anyways basically I'm pretty normal they reckon, how I could be normal seems to pass me because I'm not, people tell me this when they meet me and I don't have a problem with it so that is another sign that I don't have a personality disorder, I'm babbling.

I have decided that I am going to actually post to my journal now cause I'm kinda abusing it because I only had it so I could see other peoples but I, Caitlin will use it from now on

Bye for now

Novel

Thu, 01 Feb 2007 13:03:18 GMT

Iam writing my novel but at the moment i don't feel like putting it up because it's getting rather personal for me so i might start a new novel or i'll get over it and post my novel some time soon. The other problem is that i don't know how to write my emotions down that well. So no book at the moment.

Sat, 06 Jan 2007 12:18:46 GMT

I have decided not to start my book until school goes back because work is boring so thats not interesting and to write a well written book it has to have some appeal to it rather than starting off with, "I got to work and..." but if i start with what happened at work today it could be interesting, because people would laugh at me and how streesed i got and yeh.

So what happened at work was the the recon people(the people that put all our stock out(i work at ikea)in the morning before the store opens)just left about 10 crates in the aisles in my section and so me and sam(my co-worker)were like are you going to move these cause its 9:30am and we opened half an hour ago and its a workplace health and saftey issue. So than they started to take all the stock back out to the warehouse and we were like hey we need that stock but the just took it out so now i have to come in at 8 in the morning when i don't want to.

Anyway this week i also found out that i have Perkins as my form patrom for year 11 i didn't want her but thats who i got can't do anything about it, its not that bad she's nice enough. My friend ellie is in her formas well(which means i'll probably have my same form as last year i don't want the same form!)and she hates perkins with a passion so she will be in my ear all year about how she dispyses perkins, so that'll be fun.

But overall life is good nothing else to complain about here so talk to you'll soon.

bye bye